Are you speaking the right Love Language?

Whether we are in a couple, friendship or family, a big part of being in a relationship is showing how we care. Yet for something so universal, it’s quite easy to misinterpret and misunderstand. In fact, it happens quite a lot that entire rom-coms and telenovelas are built around miscommunication in relationships.

If you’ve ever felt unappreciated by someone close, it could be that you’re just not speaking their love language.

What are Love Languages?

Love Language is the concept that different people express and receive love in different ways. That’s why an action or gesture that may mean a lot to us can be overlooked by our loved ones, and vice versa. It’s because individuals can have different Love Languages, which unfortunately can lead to misunderstandings and unmet expectations.

According to Gary Chapman, a renowned marriage counselor and author of the book "The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts", the five love languages are acts of service, receiving gifts, physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation.

These languages are present in all relationships - but for each of us, one language can ring louder and clearer than all the others. As individuals, we have our own ways to feel seen and valued. By identifying and understanding each other’s Love Language, we can bridge communication gaps and express love more effectively.

Curious?  Start by taking the love language test , with your nearest and dearest, then come back to this article. Once you know your love languages, you can start to ignite the spark in your relationships.

If you’re a hearts-and-flowers girl in love with an actions-speak-louder-than-words guy, notice the things he does for you. That’s his love language, so do something practical for him and for sure, it will be immensely appreciated.  Cook mama's fave sinigang, the one she thinks you’ve forgotten. Organize a crazy karaoke sesh for the friends you haven’t seen in forever. Send dad memes that show you get him even when you groan at his corny jokes.

These efforts don’t need a lot of cash, just the time and attention that’s often harder to give. But doing so brings more than just “kilig” for your loved ones. You’ll get the feels too. Watch your bond grow stronger and your laughs louder as they respond in return. When you speak their love language, you will be understood better, and they will feel valued and cherished more.

Not one for cheese or mush?  We got you.

Level up your friends and fam game with this little challenge:  

List your 10 closest people [Hack: if they’re active on social media, use your Instagram stories’ Close Friends bracket to make this even easier]. Observe how they show affection, not just to you but to others, as well. Identify their love language and reciprocate in the same way.

How to speak the Five Love Languages

The concept of Love Languages revolves around the idea that individuals express and receive love in different ways. Here are the five primary Love Languages:

1. Acts of service – For someone with this Love Language, it’s all about actions. They feel loved when their close ones help them with tasks, chores, or responsibilities. To speak their love language, quietly do helpful things. Watch the kids to give a parent precious “me time.” Hire a cleaning service. Fix their gadgets. Lend a hand with a household chore, or surprise them by doing it ahead of time.
   
   
2. Receiving gifts – People who appreciate this Love Language feel loved when they receive thoughtful gifts, which symbolize affection and care. You can make them a video from personal photos. Surprise them with their favorite food, or bling for their fur baby. A well-chosen e-gift is great for minimalists or those far away. It’s the effort, not the price.
   
   
3. Physical touch – This Love Language centers around physical affection, such as hugs, kisses, holding hands, and other forms of touch. Your best bet is physical closeness – skin contact or sitting side by side. And it’s not just reserved for partners. Friends and family appreciate touch too. If you know them well, you’ll know what’s appropriate and comfortable.
   
   
4. Quality time together – People with this Love Language value undivided attention, meaningful conversations, and shared experiences. It’s a great idea to just hang out, even when you’re not doing anything big. When even coffee and movie dates seem impossible, share your routine errands. Grocery runs or salon touchups, meal prep at home, an early-morning walk, picking up the car from repair – they’re all pockets of time perfect for catching up.
   
   
5. Words of affirmation – This Love Language involves verbal communication, compliments, and encouragement. These individuals need to hear how you feel about them. A thoughtful text, card or note is great, but there’s nothing like hearing your words of affection and praise face to face. You may not have done this in a while, but that’s the point of love languages. It matters to them, so it should matter to you.

Love Language is a two-way conversation

It goes both ways. Learn to read others’ gestures towards you but don’t forget that this is about you, too. Take a cue from Miley and buy yourself flowers. Share your own Love Language with your close ones and communicate your needs openly. Discuss how you both can effectively express love and meet each other’s emotional needs.

Building strong relationships takes time and effort. Consistently expressing affection in meaningful ways is essential to nurture intimacy and foster a lasting bond. When your loved ones clearly see both your effort and care, you will develop a stronger, happier relationship that can stand the test of time.